The fledglings have flown the nest, and for the first time in over 22 years, it is just the two of us at home now – Empty Nesters. Emotions overwhelm, some happy, some wistful over how time just whizzed by. Life begins anew, almost like our newly wed days, yet different. Over 31 years ago, when we started our life together with dreams of a lifelong journey, we didn’t know how life would pan out.

Now that we have lived the dream and our children have become adults with their own aspirations and lives to navigate, we are taking the time to reconnect as a couple.

The empty nesters’ phase can be daunting, as a life without children at home seems purposeless and lonely. The emotions that gripped us when we were about to become parents revisit, but from a different perspective. “Will we be good parents” is replaced by “how will the children manage alone?” Other fears about how we will connect once the kids leave and what do we do with all the time we have now, come visiting as well. “How will we handle our babies?” is now a thing of the past. Instead, our new common refrain is “How will we handle ourselves now that the children are away?

Dealing with the emotional shift

With the kids somewhat settled in their lives, we now find time to try and do the things we both like. While we have different interests and personalities, we also have a few things in common. We try to accommodate each other’s interests and do things together. So how do we reconnect?

Our love for healthy vegetarian food helps us connect in a way only food can. “Khaane mei kya banaau?”  is met with responses like kootu, pesarattu, and desi options. We now eat a diabetic-friendly diet and make it a point to keep devices away from the dining table.

The occasional homemade cheat meal of puchka and bhel puri adds some zest to a humdrum life.  

Our social life has also become busier, with many couples sailing in the same boat as us. While I was always very social, my husband has generally been selective. But now, he tries to reach out to friends, managing to have a good time. The conversations that stem from a shared experience of being empty nesters brings comfort and helps ease the sadness and we find ways to explore new ideas. It inspires us to try new things we may not have thought of. Meeting friends helps us connect not just with them but with each other as well, as we now talk about how much fun it is to meet new people and how meaningful the conversations are. 

Books have found their way into our conversations again. While our tastes in books are different, it does not stop us from talking about them. I love fiction while he loves nonfiction. But when we read the same books, the perspective we each have is different, and it is fascinating to talk about them. 

Finding joy in everyday moments together

Domestic chores are a very under-hyped way of connecting us. Who would have thought that the mere act of going to a mandi to buy vegetables would be a way to connect? This once-a-week trek to the mandi and sparring over whether or not to buy tinda takes us back to our newly-wed days. We have argued and bonded over home decor, decluttering, dusting, and cleaning, just like the early days of our life together. 

Balancing togetherness and independence

While doing things together brings us closer, the acceptance to let each other do things by themselves is also a way of bonding. In fact, we can have our own circle of friends, our own interests and yet manage to stay connected. There is a comfort in doing things separately as well as in being silent together while reading, listening to music or just watching the flowers on our balcony. 

How we reconnect is still a work in progress. What we have learnt is to balance our need for being with each other and ‘me time’ in a way that works for us. While children are making a life for themselves, we are also evolving, trying to rebuild our lives and reconnect, exploring newer things. Time will tell how we fared. 

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