Feeling stuck in the ‘What Next?’ phase after 50? This article delves into midlife’s unique crossroads, offering insights on navigating career shifts, empty nests, and self-discovery, with practical advice on finding your true north and embracing your next big adventure. You’re not alone!
I keep meeting people who are asking themselves the question, “I need to figure out what to do next…” Maybe it’s the global economy. Maybe it’s the post-pandemic effect. Maybe it’s the impact of AI on the world. Or maybe it’s just what happens when you hit the half-century mark. One thing that I am pretty sure of is that most of my friends in the 50-plus age bracket are asking the question: “What next?”
Many are treading water in this liminal space, between what was and what could be. Some are in the deep end, with no life jacket. For them, “What next?” is a matter of staying afloat. Others are in shallow water, doing the doggy paddle, just waiting for a wave to carry them to something more interesting. Changes in the workplace are often thrust upon the midlife brigade. As Tennyson reminds us, “The old order changeth, yielding place to new…” This is the way of the world.
The Not So Silver economy: opportunity, not problem
The old order, however, still has a lot of orders that they want to make (on Amazon, Zomato, and beyond), and have much to give to the world. There is plenty of research to highlight the spending power of the midlife economy. This currency should not be looked at just as spending power. This currency is a precious resource to be channelised for individual and collective good. A new way of looking at the midlife brigade, as an opportunity rather than a problem, is emerging.
If all the world’s a stage, perhaps it is important to understand that a career, health, and family all go through stages. Knowing what these stages are and preparing for them, especially the ones that come post 50 (if one has the privilege of getting to that doorstep), is something I wish I knew more about. I find myself muddling through this phase, with no instruction manual, no helpful YouTube unboxing videos, and not enough honesty in the few resources available. Not So Silver is like a breath of fresh air in this rather barren space. Or maybe there is a hidden forest and vast oceans of not-so-silver seas that I am just discovering. Whichever way, the need for a space that brings this community together, where the pains and pleasures of midlife are decoded and celebrated, is a great idea.
Redefining retirement: stepping onto the next stage
Stepping onto a stage is normally a happy occasion. A moment to be celebrated. Stepping off a stage could mean getting ready to step onto the next one. However, the word retirement, which at one time was something that everyone wanted to reach early “retire by 30… put my feet up… enjoy the good life…” has been reframed into being synonymous with “no longer good enough, not able to keep pace with change, too expensive and it’s time to make way for someone younger.” The message is that you have reached the station where you need to get off the train.
Where to from here and how do I get there? Well, ideally, I could order an Uber, catch a flight, or just walk. It all depends on where I want to go next. This is the piece nobody tells you to figure out before the train leaves the station. If life is a journey and I know where I’m going, getting off at that station is part of my moving forward, to wherever I want to go, or whoever I want to be.
Personal crossroads: empty nest and career shifts
Nobody (and nothing I had read or watched) prepared me for becoming an empty nester. My little bird grew up and flew away to America in the middle of the pandemic, leaving us locked in our nest. Even when the doors opened, it took me a long time to learn to fly again.
From a thr-uple (son, wife and I) suddenly we became a couple again and we had to learn how to steady the boat after the sudden (and, for me at least, unexpected) exit of our helmsman. For close to 20 years all decisions had been taken with him at the helm of our lives. And now suddenly, he was gone and I was lost. From being the centre of his life and the ‘dad in demand’ to being at the periphery and not that needed anymore, took a lot of getting used to.
I came to what appeared to be a career crossroads at around the same time, and I did not know which way to turn. I kept looking down two roads that seemed to be the only ones I could see, and struggling with the question, “Which road should I take?”
Finding your true north: The power of coaching
I was blessed and lucky to have access to a coach who helped me navigate this phase. She asked me two questions: “Are there only two roads?” And then, “Do you have to choose only one road?” I was suddenly unstuck; there were choices and they were mine to make. This opened up so many options and opportunities for me. It helped me see so many possibilities, and I did not have to just be one thing and do one thing.
At every station, when we get off the train, these choices exist. We often cannot see them. It is easy to feel isolated, alone, stranded, with no clarity on which way to go. I have come to understand that the answer begins and comes from deep within. One of the other things my coach helped me figure out is something called my “Core life purpose statement”,; my “Core values” and my “Core skills”. Knowing this is like having a master key that unlocks many doors. I have discovered the alignment between the “inner me” and my outward journey holds the answers.
Surfing the midlife waves, rather than getting knocked over by them, is about finding the alignment and holding on to it. When I do go underwater, I know that I have a life jacket on. My inner self, “whole and complete”, will bob to the surface again, and the next wave will come and lift me.
I am lucky that I found my way into the arms of coaching and a series of great coaches. I am lucky that the stigma of working with a therapist during difficult times has not gotten in the way of embracing the much-needed support that it provides. While all the answers lie within, the hands that support and help me find them were offered by others. So here is me, reminding myself and others that we are not alone. There are many on the same journey, at the same station, and lots of willing and able hands are always available to help. I need to extend my hand and then trust the universe is listening.
Some of the wonderful free resources that have helped me on my journey are:
www.coachesforyou.in (A place to book a no-cost coaching conversation with a professional coach)
www.insighttimer.com (A place that offers me guided meditation, wisdom, and much more, for free)
www.coreselfie.com (A place that offers you the Power of Knowing – Who Am I? . . . Why Am I Here?)
Stress Management 101 (An approach basis my lived experience, available free on upGrad)
Sometimes it takes a little longer than we expect, and the liminal space begins to feel uncomfortable – I like to call this growing pains. The space between what was and what could be is a place to be savoured, tasted, and enjoyed. The “What Next? phase is not rushed through. Pause, take a look at the inner map, and figure out if you’re in the mood for a fast plane, a slow train, or maybe just a walk. Most importantly, even if you don’t know your end destination, the direction matters. Stay aligned to your true north and keep moving. Ask yourself the question, “What next?” Ask it with curiosity. Ask it with kindness to yourself. Ask it with compassion, be patient… know with quiet inner confidence that the answer will emerge.
Nikhil Dey is a certified ICF coach and founder of Soul2Sole Coaching. He is the first recipient of the ICF India Coaching Excellence Rising Star Award.
