Discover the challenges and joys of being part of the sandwich generation. This personal reflection explores the complexities of balancing family responsibilities, self-care, and navigating the emotional toll of caring for both children and ageing parents.
I often find myself feeling “sandwiched” between the responsibilities of caring for my children and worrying about my ageing parents. While I don’t have the direct responsibility of caring for them, the constant concern about their well-being weighs heavily on my mind. On one particularly overwhelming day, when my anxiety felt like it was about to spiral out of control, I turned to my trusted aide—Google.
“You are the sandwich generation,” it declared. This term resonated deeply with me, as it perfectly encapsulated my daily struggle of balancing the needs of multiple generations. The description continued, highlighting that this phase of life can be both rewarding and challenging. I thought to myself, “Wow! This does reflect how I feel on a daily basis.”
Understanding the ‘Sandwich Generation’
The sandwich generation is a unique demographic, typically consisting of individuals in their 40s and 50s who find themselves caring for both their children and their ageing parents. Now that I am part of this demographic, I often reflect on my younger self and wonder why I was so eager to grow up so quickly.
Sometimes, even a seemingly mundane question like, “What should I make for dinner today?” can feel overwhelmingly triggering. The weight of constant decision-making can be exhausting. I find myself wishing for a reprieve from the endless choices that come with adult life. The simplicity of childhood, where decisions were often made for me, now seems like a distant memory.
In this phase of life, I yearn for moments of clarity and ease amidst the chaos of daily responsibilities. While I appreciate the autonomy that comes with being an adult, I also recognize the toll that relentless decision-making can take on my mental and emotional well-being. Balancing these demands is a delicate dance, and sometimes I long for the carefree days when my biggest concern was simply what game to play next.
To cope with these pressures, it’s essential to prioritise self-care and establish open communication with family members.
Here are some things that work for me:
- Periodic time-outs: These, for me, mean a day out with friends, a pedicure at the salon, just one full day of vegetating and not moving. Sometimes I find that doing these things is therapeutic.
- Setting boundaries: Sometimes saying NO is so liberating. I find myself taking on more than I can manage at times, and therefore, working on boundaries helps.
- Talking about feelings: I used to fear speaking about my anxieties, lest they come true. However, I find that talking about it with friends helps ease some of it. It also makes me realize that I am not alone in feeling a certain emotion.
- Prioritising sleep: As easy as this sounds, sometimes getting a good night’s sleep is all it takes to set things right.
- A hearty meal: For me, that means having enough carbs in the meal. While using food as an emotional crutch is never a good idea, a good meal almost always helps me feel calm and in a good mood.
- A brisk walk: We are at the age when some chronic conditions rear their heads, so a walk is always a good idea. But that’s not all. A walk also gives me a physical distance from everything, and distance brings perspective.
- A nice hot shower: On some crazy days a shower itself seems like a luxury but on day I am particularly stressed or tired, a nice hot shower works for me. On days when I indulge I make sure to bring out the nicest candle and shower gel I have – instant pick-me-ups.
As I navigate this complex journey, I often remind myself that it’s okay to seek support—from friends, family, or even online communities—because no one should have to bear this burden alone.
How do you cope? I’d love to hear from you.
